Friday, October 30, 2015

The Almighty Trinity

A few homerooms ago, I sat in the cafeteria and listened to Guy Tanguay inform our school's interested students about the upcoming swim season. As you may know, our swim team is run through Trinity High School since we lack the numbers and funding to run the program ourselves. Now, coach said many notable things throughout the seven minutes, but one thing in particular stuck with me. In order to swim this year, despite possessing most of the individuals who lead the team to grand success year after year, Camp Hill students are required to pay $230 to Trinity to compensate for the funding of the program. Now, I've heard of school's requiring their students to pay money to cover some of the costs for their athletic programs, but $230... might as well start my 401K with that amount of money. After running the numbers and seeing how over $15,000 will be given to Gary Bricker to fund this activity, thoughts of scandalous profit plague my mind. By charging their students a hefty tuition and receiving money from added donors, there is no way in hell this school needs an extra 15k to fund a swim team. This is just one of the many reasons why I hate Trinity High School.

Athletically, these guys are about as underachieving as Chelsea FC in the premiership this season. As it stands, the girls soccer and boys basketball team are their only athletic programs that deserve merit. Surpassed by us in essentially every other sport, Trinity makes itself hard not to laugh. With the ability to recruit student athletes and scheme their way to stay just under Class AA and AAA student population benchmarks, they should never lose. They can basically acquire any athlete they want and play against the easiest competition in playoffs, yet they still shit the bed in nearly all of their sports. This wannabe Bishop McDevitt even hired a nationally-renowned reality TV star as a coach to try to help their cause. Due to this and the many inane decisions of the "deity" Gary Bricker, we continuously defeat them season after season athletically.

A private institution composed of kids living in a strict Catholic environment must be stellar academically, right? Wrong. Despite having the ability to pull exquisite students in from all over the West Shore, year after year, Trinity High School continually falls short in keeping up their marks. With significantly lower SAT scores and a much larger student to teacher ratio, Trinity isn't exactly earning their gold stars in the classroom. Still, despite their lackluster academics, they try to mislead the public into thinking they're the school of Camp Hill, PA.

You'd think it couldn't get any worse than it already is, but unfortunately, it does. Not only are the students of Trinity underachieving, but the facilities are too! With crammed and out-of-date complexes, this school has given itself quite the reputation. Possessing malleable bleachers, a great view of the neighboring trailer park, faulty stadium lights, slanted and bumpy practice fields, and a horrific track, Trinity High School has resorted to consistently using our facilities to practice their sports. Remember... these guys require tuition that's supposed to pay for this type of stuff, but I guess that's being used to pay off past sexual harassment lawsuits or something. Oh, and for those non-athletes... it doesn't get much better. Why? Well, because they don't fucking have air-conditioning. How the hell do you not have air-conditioning, this isn't the 1940s anymore? I don't understand how this school can deem itself superior when they don't even have the decency or money (remember: they require tuition) to keep their students from constantly perspiring in class.

Now, through the entirety of this post you might be thinking, "Well at least the students themselves don't poorly represent the school." That's where you're wrong. The Shamrocks clearly have added to their "divine" school's reputation. For starter's, these guys are some of the most appalling students I have ever encountered. After playing against them several times throughout my high school soccer career, I am certain that sportsmanship is not something valued at their school. Persistently dropping the f-bomb, committing cheap fouls, and showing disrespect toward the officials, these students know  how to make themselves look bad. Not very good Catholics if you ask me. Having even gone to the lengths of intentionally trying to injure opposing teams' best players, it pisses me off just looking at these fools. This is nothing though. They received a hefty fine just this year, after urinating and defecating throughout an opposing team's locker room. Can you believe that? If that's not sinful, I don't know what is. Lastly, there's the famed pizza scandal. Years ago, at summer camp, the Trinity football team sexually harassed their underclassmen, forcing them to eat pizza that had some "unusual" toppings on it. Now, I've heard of high school hazing, but this is repulsively beyond any of those stories. It's difficult to comprehend how a team could sit back and let this go on. The real surprise about this though is how the perpetrators of this wickedness were expelled. With little to no variance from the rest of their peers, I found this act to be unfair. Oh, and the parents of these devils aren't off the hook either. On top of poorly raising these chimps, these people have been known to carry out these similar thoughtless actions. From personal experience, I've seen these grown adults repeatedly taunt opposing players from the stands only to later get in heated arguments with the opposing parents. The level of immaturity among them is unreal.

Now, as much as we like to think that Trinity High School is also unreal, unfortunately it isn't. All of central PA has to deal with their antics. And if you think I'm paying $230 to their sorry asses, then think again. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, prepare yourself as Shuster and our boys lead the onslaught this Friday against the putrid humans that play for the Trinity football team. It's gonna get ugly.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

The Best Grade of All Time

While recently waiting in line at my local Sunoco gas station, I couldn’t help but notice the man in front of me dealing with the cashier. As he handed over his $4.67 to purchase a gallon of milk and some gum, a beam of reflected light darted before my eyes. Its source: a sizable emerald ring with the phrase "Class of '78, One for the Ages" inscribed along the upper brass border. Taking heart to the words rather than the tough gemstone, I started thinking... was this man's class really one for the ages, or was that just the best tag line their grade could think of to describe their four year tenure? As I pondered this question moving up in line, I started to think about my own class. Yet no questioning was done with it, for mine certainly fit the slogan.
First let's start with academics; after all that is the whole point of coming to school you know, to get an education? Now most grades are smart, but we're not like most grades. Setting the record for highest number of kids eligible, GPA wise, to apply to the National Honors Society, our class packs a punch in the classroom. With nearly half the students in our entire grade taking at least one AP class, close to a dozen scoring over 2000 on their SAT, and almost our entire class set to further pursue our education at the collegiate level, I don't think much more needs to be said... the class of 2016 is experienced at hitting the books.
Next on the list are extracurricular activities, with athletics at the forefront. Both individually and in regard to the teams themselves, we have quite the resume to say the least. Whether it's holding the state record in the 200-meter dash, being recruited by the Jim Harbaugh, scoring 1,000 points by junior season, or producing numerous college-bound athletes; individually, you can't ask for much more. As for team sports, I'll put it this way... we have ten boys varsity sports teams offered at our high school; seven of them have legitimate chances to win state titles this year. Think about that for a second. But it doesn't stop there. We also have a nationally ranked quiz bowl team, band, and second-to-none drama department. Whether it’s running on the track, marching on the field, or acting on the stage; we have it all.
Lastly comes the topic of legacy. When talking about things will have left behind for this school, its tough to know where to start. By reinvigorating our school student section, we have significantly increased the attendance to many of our school sporting events. Student activity levels have also increased greatly due to the numerous creations of new school clubs. Yet, most importantly, we have instilled a mindset to our underclassmen. Before, rowdiness and lack of effort were applauded amongst the masses. Now, school sprit, enthusiasm, respect, effort, and intelligence are rewarded. While still keeping things entertaining and comical in different ways that the past, our class has truly done things right.
            After reflecting upon all our accomplishments, I further support my instinctual assumption at the Sunoco that our class is worthy of being deemed “one for the ages”. With each and every student having something to offer in our grade, it is hard not to appreciate us. With that said, hopefully decades from now some kid will spot me out somewhere flaunting my class reputation, only with the slogan “Class of 2016, You’re Welcome” carved into the border instead.